Denver Awaits the Arrival of STEWART’S TURKEY

Big news people.  My protege, Chris Rippe is opening a bar in Denver called the Rackhouse Pub.  It’s in the same building as the new Stranahan’s Colorado Whiskey Distillery.  That’s all fine and dandy, but the really big news is that he will be serving a Turkey Sandwich called “Stewart’s Turkey.”

Yes, that’s right – there is now a Turkey Sandwich named after yours truly, the Founder of this Turkey Sandwich Report.  I visited Chris today and talked to him about this epic sandwich. Click here or on the video below to view why he named it after me.

Rackhouse Pub

The Rackhouse Pub opens on 10/30/09.  You can follow them on Twitter here.

Toasting is an OPT IN

Here’s the deal folks: if a sandwich shop owns a toaster, they owe it to their customers to ask them if they want their bread toasted.  As the customer, it’s not my job to know whether you have a toaster sitting back there.  It’s your job to enlighten me on all of my sandwich options.

In other words, toasting is an “OPT IN” not an “OPT OUT”.

I was all geared up to have a nice Turkey on Dark Rye from Beba’s in Seattle earlier this week.  It would have been an even better Turkey on Dark Rye if the fucking thing was toasted.  But no.  She was slopping on the deli mustard before I even had a chance to realize the toaster.  And we all know the famous saying when it comes to condiments on bread:

Once spread hits the bread, you can put that sandwich to bed!

So I was stuck with a mushy old sandwich that I purposely ate as fast as I could so I didn’t have to suffer through it.  Attention sandwich people everywhere: Toasting is an OPT IN.

Turkey Sandwiches and Gambling in Las Vegas

Everyone has their own vices. Some people smoke cigarettes. Some people mess around with the “devil’s dandruff.” And some people like to “chase the dragon” from time to time.

I’m no different. I’m just not into blow or heroin. I’m in to Turkey Sandwiches and gambling on sports and when I’m in Vegas, things can get REALLY out of hand.

I had my own night of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas these past couple of days. Only I wasn’t on an Ether and Cocaine binge. I was eating a Grilled Turkey Sandwich while betting on Baseball and College Football futures at the Rio Sports Book.

Kudos to the Rio Sports book for coming through with a damn good Turkey and Pastrami Sandwich. It was a Triple Decker, club-like thing and it might have been the dopamine my brain was secreting from the high I was getting from the gambling, but I really enjoyed it.

A Little Old Lady Made Me a Kick-ass Turkey Sandwich

Thriftway Turkey Sandwich, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

Grandmas know how to make good sandwiches. No one can quite explain it, but something happens when they pass the age of 65 where they can all of the sudden make amazing sandwiches. The secret ingredient, you ask… it’s love. And only old ladies can add that very special ingredient.

There a nice, little old lady at a Thriftway in Beaverton, OR that adds a heaping scoop of love to every sandwich she makes.  Even if it’s just a half sandwich, you still get a full scoop of love. Just look at this sandwich: you can see the LOVE oozing from between those slices of Rye bread.

The Turkey Sandwich Nazi

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have come face to face with the Turkey Sandwich Nazi.

I spend a good amount of my time in Seattle.  And for a while now, people have been talking up this place that serves great Turkey Sandwiches using REAL, freshly sliced Turkey.  They also told me that there were some rules at this place: cash only and know what you want before they ask for your order.  If you fuck around, you will be scolded.

The name of the place is Bakeman’s Restaurant.  A non-descriptive name for a non-descriptive place.

Bakeman's Restaurant in Seattle

Upon entering, I encountered a cafeteria-style line and noticed a tray of freshly cut WHITE Turkey meat and one of DARK Turkey Meat.  Not really knowing the system, I asked for white Turkey meat on Rye.  “White or Wheat?!” they yelled back at me.  Ok, I went with the Wheat.  I was also rejected when I asked for my bread to be toasted.  It’s all about speed at Bakeman’s and they don’t have time to toast bread.

It was also a bit stressful to choose cheese and condiments.  I don’t remember what cheese I chose first, but they didn’t have it.  And if you want deli mustard, you have to make a special request or you’ll get the yellow shit.

At the end of the line, there was this man, The Turkey Sandwich Nazi:

The Turkey Sandwich Nazi

Sorry for the bad photo, but this guy is elusive.   He shuffles customers through the end of the line with speed and precision and just doesn’t have time to be posing for photos – even if it is for the The Turkey Sandwich Report.

His main objective is to up sell your ass.  He pushes the pie, cornbread and soft drinks pretty hard.  But as much as he wants to squeeze a few more bucks out of you, he has no time for indecision.  I took a few seconds to decide what I wanted and the pressure he put on me was palpable.  I panicked and ordered a big piece of Cornbread and 7-up.  Since when do I drink 7-Up?

As for the sandwich, any time I can get a sandwich with real Turkey, I enjoy it.  There wasn’t anything fancy about my sandwich, but that’s fine with me.  It was like a sandwich I would make after Thanksgiving.

The Turkey Sandwich at Bakeman's

Note to Mr. Turkey Sandwich Nazi:

Sir, I promise to have my shit together next time I come in, which will be in the very near future.  I will not ask for my bread to be toasted and I will brush up on the kinds of cheese you offer.  And I will just tell you now, I would like to have a Dr. Pepper with my Turkey Sandwich.  By getting my drink choice out of the way now, we’ll save us at least 5 seconds.  I hope you’re not mad at me.

You Talking to Me?

I was on a flight a couple days ago and as I was I was in that euphoric state that happens right before you go to sleep, the stewardesses (yes, I still call them that – I’m old school) were announcing some of the meal options that were for sale.  As they went through the list, the mentioned a “Turkey Sandwich” and I woke up because I actually thought they were talking to me.

Not only do I love Turkey Sandwiches. I have BECOME a Turkey Sandwich.  It’s a state of mind, folks.

What Restaurant Has the Balls to Serve Potato and Cabbage Soup?

People who truly appreciate great paintings can also appreciate great sculptures.  Similarly, people who can appreciate great sandwiches can also appreciate great soups.  With that being the case, I am constantly challenging myself to expand my horizons and try new and different soups so that I can always offer up a knowledgeable recommendation on what kinds of soups to pair with Turkey Sandwiches.

First off, let me say that you people who think soup is just a Wintertime accompaniment, you’re wrong.  Dead wrong.  Good soups can be enjoyed at any time of the year.

Second, let me say that I absolutely push myself to the absolute edge to provide you with the best information on the most cutting edge soups.  But I thought I might have met my match last week when I visited Elysian Fields in Seattle.  The soup they offered up was “Potato and Cabbage” concoction that I thought might even be beyond my tolerance.  But I sacked up and ordered it.

With soup

The crazy thing is that it was actually pretty good.  Maybe it was my reluctance or embarrassment to order it, but the soup was even more memorable than the Turkey Panini itself.  For all I know this soup could have been a big joke to see who would have the cajones to order it.

But no matter what, just remember this: I did it for you. I did it for you.

I Like em’ BIG.

I was in one of my favorite towns this past week: Annapolis, MD.  And whenever I’m in Annapolis, I make it a point to stop by Chick & Ruth’s Delly for a sandwich and plate of fried potatoes.

There are literally dozens and dozens of sandwiches to order at Chick & Ruth’s – most of them named after politicians and their favorite sandwich.  As I combed thru all of the sandwich options, I noticed that there aren’t too many sandwiches of the Turkey variety, which says a lot about our politicians, right?  So right as I was about to order a Hot Dog, I noticed that they have a category of sandwiches called “Colossals”.  From there I knew that I was going for it.  I was going to order the biggest Turkey Sandwich I have ever had.

Being the Turkey Sandwich hot shot that I am, I ordered off of the menu and went with a Turkey/Pastrami with Swiss.  Bread choice: Rye.

Colossal Turkey Sandwich at Chick & Ruth's

The amazing thing about this Turkey Sandwich is that is was just as good cold (4 hours later) as it was hot.  The chees has coagulated a little and the Rye bread was a little soggy, but it was delicious in a completely different way.

And to answer the question all of you smart asses out there are asking: NO, I did not eat the whole thing.  But you can expect this sandwich to be making an appearance in the Turkey Top 10.

Oy Vey, Zaidy’s Makes a Good Turkey Sandwich!

Zaidy's Smoked Turkey and Apple

My Jewish friends here in Denver have been telling me, “Neal, if you want to ess a good Turkey Sandwich, you need to eat at Zaidy’s. Everything else is chazerei.”  Then some of them say, “Neal, if you don’t like the Turkey Sandwich at Zaidy’s, you’re fercockt.”

I’ve lived in Denver for three years and I have not taken their advice and gone to Zaidy’s.  I was starting to feel like a real nebbish.

Today I finally got my tuches over to Zaidy’s to give their Turkey Sandwich a try.  I ordered the Smoked Turkey and Apple Sandwich and Ay-Yay-Yay this is a great Turkey Sandwich.  To be honest, I could have schtupped this sandwich.  Real Turkey, bacon, apples and a really thick honey mustard sauce – I was totally ferdrayt.

Next time you’re in Denver and looking for a place to drop some gelt on a Turkey Sandwich, go to Zaidy’s.

For a translation on some of these phrases, click here.

The Father of The Turkey Sandwich

I’ve always wanted to be “The Father of” something.  Just not kids. And since no one has really taken “Fathership” of the Turkey Sandwich, I’m taking it.

From here forward, I want to officially be known as “Neal Stewart, Father of The Turkey Sandwich.”

Any time I am introduced, I insist to be called by this name.  Kind of like when Bob Denver of Gilligan’s Island fame, had his picture taken, he INSISTED on posing like this:

Bob Denver - You can call him Gilligan

Same thing. And when people insist on something, you HAVE to do it.