I got home from a long trip today. I could have grabbed a bite to eat at Denver International Airport, but I wanted to hold off for a good lunch. So where did I go?
Boston Market, of course!
“Boston Market is still in business?” you ask. Yes they are, actually. And yes, they seemingly close down locations on a daily basis, but yes, they are still have a few locations that remain open. Here in Denver, I think we’re down to one.
But let me tell you something, mister: I like Boston Market. The Turkey Sandwich with corn and mashed p’taters is a strong meal. I really don’t understand why Boston Market has so much trouble making a go of it. I’ve talked about how boring it is to eat at a Boston Market on this blog before, but their food is pretty damn good. If I didn’t love Turkey Sandwiches so much, I could easily make a meal out of their sides.
And don’t even get me started on the cornbread! Ok, I’ve had better cornbread, but don’t hate the player (Boston Market) hate the game (cornbread). Whatever the hell that means.
Anyway – get out there and support your local Boston Market. You never know when they’re going to board up the windows.
My morning kind of sucked today. I’m in Frederick, MD this week and I don’t have a rental car because I’m being cheap and trying to hitch rides from co-workers. The only problem is that I didn’t have anyone to hitch a ride with this morning. Being that I don’t get much exercise, I got a crazy hair up my ass and decided that I was going to walk to work. I was slightly winded when I got out of the Holiday Inn parking lot and decided that walking was probably a bad idea and needed to call a cab.
But then my day started to look up:
- There’s a Sheetz gas station just outside of the Holiday Inn parking lot and I needed to fill my belly for breakfast.
- Sheetz offers Turkey Sandwiches in the morning.
- They have an awesome way of ordering sandwiches. It’s like the computer/kiosk check-in at the airport. I like it because I don’t have to talk to anyone.
- This is the kicker: they offer a PRETZEL as a bread option. YES, A PRETZEL!
I ordered myself a BBQ PepperJack Turkey Sandwich and was off for the day. Then, a big decision: do I wait for the cab to come get me and eat my sandwich when I get to work or do I eat it now? You tell me what you think I did.
Of course I ate it in the parking lot. There was a red trashcan sitting right there begging to be used as a table. It took me about 43 seconds to drink my chocolate milk and eat my Turkey Sandwich. Some kind of cheap bottled water to wash it down.
MMM! That’s good eatin!
A couple weeks back, I made the pilgrimage down to Cape Girardeau, MO for the Southeast Missouri State University Homecoming. Normal college homecomings revolve around a football game. SEMO’s homecoming revolves around drinking…at least for me.
Our normal schedule is:
- 3PM Friday – start drinking
- 5PM Friday – go to the Playdium
- 10PM Friday – go to the Fraternity House for a Party
- 3AM Saturday – pass out (when I was in college I would stay up all night)
- 6AM Saturday – screwdrivers and donuts
- 9AM Saturday – keep drinking at whatever party
- 3PM Saturday – find a Turkey Sandwich
- 4PM Saturday – take a nap
For me, it is literally a 24 hour sprint. It’s not a marathon. I’m like the Usain Bolt of Homecoming and I sprint. Hard.
I ended up at the Cape Girardeau Jimmy John’s right on schedule for my 3PM Turkey Sandwich. It did not disappoint. In fact, it was so damn good, that I am now officially dubbing it my official Hangover Sandwich.
I pretty much love everything at Whole Foods. Big fan of the Whole Foods. I don’t do my grocery shopping there (I’m not stupid), but their pre-made food is the shit. Except their sandwiches, which pisses me off to no end.
The Turkey Sandwich they offer at my local Whole Foods (Cherry Creek), is called “The Steamboat”. It has Turkey, Brie and basil pesto, and it’s just not good enough. They can do better.
So I got a salad today. But, being the devoted Turkey connoisseur that I am, I took a few slices of Turkey from the HOT side of the salad bar and added to my salad. How crafty is that? You gotta out-smart “The Man” sometimes.
Getting my Turkey Sandwich toasted the right way has been what some might call a “hot button” lately. I want my Turkey Sandwich toasted the right way, is that too much ask?
My latest issue is with Which Wich. I stopped by there a couple days ago and got two sandwiches: one to eat there and one for later. The bread on the sandwich was toasted just fine, but the Turkey was cold and it just didn’t feel right.
Now, some of you might say, “I like it that way. I like the hot side hot and the cold side cold!” But I don’t think there are too many of you out there, or the Mc DLT would still be around. Check out Jason Alexander pimping Mickey D’s.
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Here’s my advice to Which Wich: Offer double toasting. That way, people can get the inside of the sandwich a little warmer, if they so desire.
There is nothing more uppity than “field greens”. And don’t give me that shit about Iceberg lettuce having ZERO nutritional value – I already know that. But this Field Greens craze is getting to me and I don’t want it anywhere near my Turkey Sandwich.
Unfortunately, I decided this a little too late to save a Turkey Sandwich. I started out fairly normal – a run up to Whole Foods for a good TS lunch. She asked if I wanted lettuce on the sandwich and I agreed.
I get back to the office and the taste of Arugula had permeated the entire fucking sandwich. I picked it off, but that wasn’t even enough.
Arugula is foul. I don’t see how anyone could like that nasty-ass weed.
I am boycotting all variations of Field Greens. It’s just a risk I can’t take.
Josh at work has been talking a big game about Fat Jack’s. It seems like every time he goes out for lunch by himself he goes to Fat Jack’s. I called him out on that today and I made him take me to the elusive Fat Jack’s today. Well, I drove, but I made him tell me where to go.
The weird thing is that someone was asking me just a couple days ago if I ever eat Turkey and Salami sandwiches. Well, low and behold – Fat Jack’s has a sandwich called the Don Juan and it has Turkey and Salami. That made my selection pretty easy.
The sandwich was solid. Good bread, good meat, good cheese. The most memorable part was the dijon mustard. Pretty damn strong, but I liked it.
The other thing I like about Fat Jack’s is that it is exactly what I would build if I built a sandwich shop. Take out only. I wouldn’t want people sitting around taking up my space and making a mess that I have to clean up. Get your sandwich and get the hell out. Well played, Fat Jack’s.
I have found a Turkey that definitely needs to be killed and eaten.
Click here to see the story of Turkey that must die.
Mrs. Turkey Sandwich’s birthday was a couple days ago. Not exactly good timing for me since it was the day after the Great American Beer Festival and I was coming off of a three-day binger. Luckily, her sister and cousin were in town and they wanted to “go out for tea” in the morning. This gave me a prime opportunity to snooze and watch some football.
When she got home, she proudly proclaimed that she brought home a Turkey Sandwich for me to review. How nice of her. Here it is, her birthday and I’m getting the gift of Turkey.
But here’s where it gets interesting:
- The Turkey Sandwich came in a pink box.
- The sandwich was made with a croissant.
As I opened up the box, I couldn’t help but question both my patriotism and manhood because I was about to eat a Turkey Croissant that came from a pink box. But I was hungover and hungry – so I ate it. And, enjoyed it. I decided that it’s ok for me to occasionally get in touch with my inner “Pierre”.
Later in the day. I totally redeemed myself when I astutely used that pink box for Mrs. Turkey Sandwich’s birthday gift (iPod), saving myself the trouble of giftwrapping. How street savvy is that?
Shame on me. I should have known better than to get a Turkey Sandwich from a bakery.
Red Flag #1: When I ordered the Turkey Cranberry, they already had one made. Unfortunately, I pussed out and didn’t ask for one to be made fresh and went with it.
Red Flag #2: The lady had trouble wrapping it because there was so much crap on the sandwich. That’s a sign of a poorly constructed sandwich.
The result: A sloppy ass sandwich that was too soggy to eat (see photo below). I HATE soggy sandwiches. It reminds me of those pre-made airport sandwiches.
But, this is partly my fault. I should have had the balls to ask for a fresh sandwich. I’m better than that. If they didn’t oblige, I should have walked my ass out of there and gone to Pat’s. Mea culpa.