Dumping your sandwiches like a pile of shit doesn’t make me want to eat them

This edition of the Turkey Sandwich Report serves a dual purpose:

  1. It’s about sandwiches
  2. It’s about marketing – which I discuss in my other blog: youcantbuythat.com

Apparently Jimmy Johns wants to celebrate their 1000th store opening, so they gave away 1000 sandwiches to an unsuspecting consumer.  So Jimmy John himself pulled up to an apartment complex in Tampa and dumped 1000 sandwiches.  Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxDlkOFbsHM

I see a couple problems:

  1. Dumping 1000 sandwiches out of a dump truck is reminiscent of dumping a big ol’ pile of shit.
  2. The consumer looks less than excited.  In fact, he looks fucking pissed.

How does Jimmy John’s think this is going to sell more sandwiches?

They think people will laugh at it.  It’s not really all that funny?

They think the video will go viral and increase awareness?  I don’t see any reason why anyone other than a Sandwich Blogger would pass this along.

Overall, just I think this is stupid.  In fact, I am boycotting on Jimmy John’s solely because this is so dumb.  If you think it’s dumb too, you should join me.

Jason Lashes Back at Glenn

I felt that I owed the loyal readers of the Turkey Sandwich Report Jason’s response to Glenn’s claims.

Here’s what he had to say:

Glenn is a total douche bag who has made countless lies to deface my integrity.  I never yelled at anyone, and I was never given more than one shirt.  I was written up once for not wearing a helmet and once for being late.

He also acknowledged that he did not did not work at the Pioneer Square location, but since Glenn owns that location, and there is more foot traffic there, he chose it as his picketing location.
Does that change your vote?

About Those (alleged) Pricks at Jimmy John’s

Ok, so I might have jumped the gun a little bit.  It turns out that Jimmy John’s has quite the different story about Jason and his claims against them.

Here’s what Glenn from Jimmy John’s told me in a phone conversation a little while ago.

  1. Jason didn’t even work at the Jimmy John’s location where he was picketing.
  2. Jason was written up for continually showing up late to work.
  3. Jason was given two shirts: one regular shirt and one “bike shirt”.
  4. Other bike messengers rinse off their “bike shirts” under a sink and let them air dry and it works just fine.
  5. Jason was rude to a customer and told them to get out of the way so he could get his bike through the door.
  6. Jason did indeed smell.

So who do you believe? Vote here:

The Managers at Jimmy John’s are Pricks (allegedly)

Enough of this warm and fuzzy shit.  It’s time for The Turkey Sandwich to start serving up some hard-hitting journalism.  It’s time to start talking about the REAL issues that matter.  Like the shit that going down at Jimmy John’s in Pioneer Square (Seattle).  These are real issues with real people and The Turkey Sandwich isn’t going to just turn away and act like it’s not going on.

When I left the office to find my lunch I hadn’t a care in the world.  But when I got back to the office, I was burdened with the knowledge of real atrocities going on in the world of Sandwich Making.  We would all like to act like this shit isn’t happening.  But it is.

Meet Jason (right) and his knucklehead friend:

Jimmy John's Protest

Jason was done wrong by some asshole manager at Jimmy John’s.  You see, Jason is a bike messenger and he doesn’t make dick for money.  So he took a second job at Jimmy John’s to make a little extra cash.

Apparently the management at Jimmy John’s had a problem with the stench Jason would drag in to the shop when he showed up to work.  “Valid point” you might say, but here’s the deal:  It wasn’t Jason that stunk, it was his work shirt.  And Jimmy John’s only gave him one fucking shirt.  Jason doesn’t live in some swanky house with a washer and dryer.  Jason can’t afford to be going out to do laundry before every shift.  So the shirt stunk.

Jason tells me that he very politely explained his dilemma and requested another shirt from the jerkoffs at Jimmy John’s.  And like the sons of bitches that they are, they rejected his request.

So Jason and his knucklehead friends picket Jimmy John’s and explain his plight to anyone who will lend an ear.  Jason is willing to negotiate.  He’s willing to get his job (with the addition of a couple more work shirts) back or will accept just two months of severance pay.

The Turkey Sandwich Report stands in solidarity with Jason.  We will not be patronizing ANY Jimmy John’s until this situation is rectified.

If any of the douchebags from Jimmy John’s would like to contact me, The Turkey Sandwich Report is ready and willing to mediate this stuation.  I hope we can reach a solution.  It’s in the best interest for all of us.

My Opinion on Jimmy John’s

Bootlegger Club from Jimmy John's

I’ve always been kind of undecided on Jimmy John’s.  Aside from the fact that their Downtown Denver location is complete pain in the ass to get to, their menu is a bit on the boring side.  None of their sandwiches really jump out at me.  But I like their turkey and I like their bread.

But this is the Turkey Sandwich report and no one comes to this blog to get polyanna Turkey Sandwich opinions.  So it’s high time, I give you the low down on Jimmy John’s.  Ratings are based on a five point scale.

Bread – 3 – They would get a 4, but they don’t offer wheat bread for the subs, just straight white bread.  I’m not a big white bread fan, but theirs is pretty good and always tastes fresh.

Meat – 3 – It’s pretty good.  The roast beef makes for a good combo with the Turkey and I think their ham is applewood smoked.  That’s solid.

Service – 2 – Here’s my main issue with Jimmy John’s.  They make their sandwiches REALLY fast.  When you order, you BETTER know EXACTLY what you want right when you order.  If you forget to mention “no tomatoes” right off the bat, it’s too late.  They’re already on there.   On top of that, the two dudes working there tonight looked like they were baking more than bread in the back.

Selection – 2 – Every time I go into Jimmy John’s I stare at their menu for 10 minutes before I can figure out what I want.  And the “plain slims” don’t make any sense to me.  Why can’t I get some lettuce thrown on there?

Overall, I give Jimmy John’s a solid 2.5 out of 5.  How’s that for a definitive opinion?

Jimmy John’s: The Official Turkey Sandwich of Hangovers

A couple weeks back, I made the pilgrimage down to Cape Girardeau, MO for the Southeast Missouri State University Homecoming.  Normal college homecomings revolve around a football game.  SEMO’s homecoming revolves around drinking…at least for me.

Our normal schedule is:

  • 3PM Friday – start drinking
  • 5PM Friday – go to the Playdium
  • 10PM Friday – go to the Fraternity House for a Party
  • 3AM Saturday – pass out (when I was in college I would stay up all night)
  • 6AM Saturday – screwdrivers and donuts
  • 9AM Saturday – keep drinking at whatever party
  • 3PM Saturday – find a Turkey Sandwich
  • 4PM Saturday – take a nap

For me, it is literally a 24 hour sprint.  It’s not a marathon.  I’m like the Usain Bolt of Homecoming and I sprint. Hard.

I ended up at the Cape Girardeau Jimmy John’s right on schedule for my 3PM Turkey Sandwich.  It did not disappoint.  In fact, it was so damn good, that I am now officially dubbing it my official Hangover Sandwich.

The Official Hangover Sandwich