I’m not making excuses, but I can explain my absence

Not much going on here at the Turkey Sandwich Report lately.  In fact, absolutely nothing has been going on here for the last couple months because I have gone to the dark side.

Yes, I have been on a GLUTEN FREE diet.

For obvious reasons, a gluten free diet and Turkey Sandwiches don’t exactly jive with each other.  Some have recommended maintaining the Turkey Sandwich Report with sandwiches that don’t include bread.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to fucking insult my loyal readers with that kind of bullshit.  I’m either going all the way with this thing or I’m gonna hang it up altogether.

Another thing that goes with managing the world’s most popular Turkey Sandwich blog is that people constantly recommend sandwiches.  The last several weeks have been especially difficult because I have been in Chicago most of the time, which means I’me exposed to a completely new world of Turkey Sandwiches.  My friend Amber is also a Turkey Sandwich connoisseur and was talking a big game about this place called “Hannah’s Bretzel” where they put their sandwiches on pretzel bread.

Earlier this week, I had a long day of work and I was weak.  I was extremely hungry, knew I had absolutely no food at the apartment and just happened to be on the same street as Hannah Bretzel.  Amber’s glowing review of their sandwiches kept ringing in my head.

I’m a weak man.  Like a Turkey Sandwich zombie, I walked in and ordered the Thanksgiving Turkey Sandwich.  Yea, I could have got that sandwich on gluten free bread.  But I didn’t.  I went whole wheat.       Which didn’t make much sense because if I was going to throw everything out the window, I should have got that pretzel bread.  I’ll chalk that up to not thinking straight.

The sandwich was glorious.  The Turkey was great, the cheese (Brie) was awesome and they gave me the perfect amount of cranberry sauce.  Best of all, they don’t fuck the whole thing up with mayo.

And I’ll be honest.  This sandwich has led to others – which you’ll be hearing about soon.

My Boss’s Boss Called Me Out: I Half-assed this Whole Super Bowl Thing

My boss’s boss is a dude named Patrick Daugherty and he’s a pretty big deal where I work.  He’s a VP of something or other – not sure what, now that I think about it.  He’s such a big deal that he actually had the balls to call me out on supposedly “half-assing” this whole vote for the Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich thing.

After a meeting this week, he pulled me aside and said, “Did you get my comment on your blog?”  I said, “no.”  “Well, I left one and I think you really screwed the pooch on this one.  You call yourself a marketer and you give us these boring-ass, no theme Turkey Sandwiches to choose from?  I think it’s bullshit.  And on top of that, you never even mentioned in your post about Perry’s Deli.  I bought you that sandwich and that’s what I get?  Poor form, Stewart, poor form.”

He went on to point out that I could have had a New York Deli-style sandwich where I pile a shitload of Turkey on Rye.  Or I could have done a Turkey Sandwich with some roast beef bullshit like they do in Boston.  Or I could have done something with an Indianapolis theme – not that I even know what that could be – but he thought that would be a good idea.

The fact of the matter is that this is MY BLOG and I can do whatever the hell I want.  When it comes to Turkey Sandwiches, I don’t have to bow to some dude just because he has a couple letters before his name.  I’m the CEO of this bitch and can do whatever I want.

But I am gonna call this whole thing off because you people don’t know what you’re talking about.  The Philly Turkey Sandwich ran away with the voting and I don’t want to make that sandwich.  I’m gonna make that Queso Smothered Turkey Sandwich…Remember?  I’m CEO.

Vote for This Year’s Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich

The Turkey Sandwich Report wants to hear from you.  You tell us what we make for our Annual Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich.  We’ll rock the shit out of whatever sandwich wins and then we’ll show you how to make it.

Cheeba Hut: Revisted

You might recall some previous posts about our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop, Cheeba Hut.  It’s easy to say that Cheeba Hut is our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop because it’s the only one we’ve been to.  If you don’t recall those posts and are curious, click here.

Anyway, Cheeba Hut has invaded Denver.  Actually they probably invaded Denver about a year ago, but I don’t go downtown too much, so I hadn’t ever been to their new location until today.  I have to get my blood checked every 6 months for high cholesterol issues and it is my tradition to absolutely gorge myself after getting my blood drawn.  Since I was off work today, I decided to head downtown and see what Cheeba Hut was smokin.

I went with a “pinner” sized Afghani: Turkey, jalapenos and pepper jack cheese.  I also added their house sauce, which is a parmesan/oregano vinaigrette.  I’ll say this: it was better than the last sandwich I had there.  I’m not gonna put it in the Turkey Top 10 or anything, but it was solid.

Other than of course the names of their sandwiches, the best thing about Cheeba Hut is the fact that they have Kool-aid on tap.  Not really on tap like beer, but you get my point.  Stoners love them some Kool-aid.

Announcing: The Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year

In a twist of irony, I’ve never even been to Sandwich Shop we’re going to name the Inaugural Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year.  I just like their spunk.  What won me over in particular was their “commercial”.

A big congratulations to (drumroll) Big Ass Sandwiches of Portland, OR – the winners of the 1st Annual Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year!  The next time I’m in Portland, I’ll be by for The Big Ass Sandwich.  Or you can mail me one.  I don’t give a shit if it spent a couple days in a box.  I’ll eat that motherfucker.

What to do with those pesky ham leftovers.

It happens every year: You get a big-ass ham for Christmas Dinner and get stuck with a bunch of leftovers.  And we all know ham is not nearly as versatile as Turkey, so you’re pretty much stuck with plain ol’ ham sandwiches all the way through New Year’s.  Bo-ring.

So what can you do to take that boring ass ham sandwich to the next level?

The short answer is: Add Turkey.

The long answer is: buy a little Turkey and and bacon before Christmas.  Hide the Turkey  and don’t tell anyone you have it.  Once Christmas is over and everyone is resorting to a ham sandwich with yellow mustard, you discreetly bust out your Turkey and bacon.  Add to your ham sandwich and boom, you have a CLUB Sandwich.

Be warned, the vultures will come after your Turkey. It’s up to you as whether  you share or not.  Personally, I don’t, but that’s me.

The even longer answer is my Club Sandwich recipe:

  • King’s Hawaiian Rolls
  • Add a few slices of ham (I recommend Honeybaked Ham)
  • Add Turkey
  • Add Bacon
  • Sharp Provolone Cheese
  • Spread some French Onion Dip on the bread
  • Stack it high
  • Eat

I’m a Hoochie Koochie, Turkey Sandwich Man

Upon the recommendation of old friend, Mark Phillip, I paid a visit to the Blues City Deli on my last trip to St. Louis.  I’m from the St. Louis area, but I had never heard of this place.  Honestly, he talked it up so big that I thought it would never reach my expectations.

A few things I noticed on my visit:

1) This place has an outstanding selection of chips.  I don’t often talk about chips here on the Turkey Sandwich Report, but a good bad of chips to accompany your Turkey Sandwich is important.  Blues City Deli had Jay’s (Chicago brand, so fuck them), Vitner’s, Durty’s, Kruncher’s, Zapp’s and of course Old Vienna (STL brand).  How could I turn down Pork Steak flavored potato chips?

If you’re not from the STL area, you probably don’t get the whole Pork Steak thing and that’s fine.  You don’t need to.  In fact, we don’t want you to get it.  I’ll just tell you that we like over-cooked, flabby-ass pig steaks that are smothered in BBQ sauce in the Midwest.

2) The Blues City Deli has a bad case of the Blues.  In case you didn’t know, STL has rightfully staked their claim on a fairly solid reputation of producing great blues musicians.  You might have heard of a guy named Chuck Berry or maybe Ike Turner.  I could tell you about dozens of other great Blues legend that have come out of St. Louis, but you’ve probably never heard of them, so I won’t waste our time.  Just trust me that St. Louis knows the Blues.  They didn’t name the Hockey team that just for shits and giggles.

3) The Blues City Deli makes a damn fine sandwich.  I got a straight Turkey Sandwich that they call the “Turkey Supreme”.  It came with Provel cheese and as you probably know, you can only get that shit in St. Louis.  If I go back, I will get The Redbird which has Turkey Capicolla, Provel and sweet red-pepper sauce.  That sounds nice.

Bottom line, if you’re in STL, get yo’ ass down to the Blues City Deli for a Turkey Sandwich and a bag of Pork Steak Chips.

I Pre-Party Before Thanksgiving

If you beat yourself up for dipping into the Thanksgiving goodies before Dinner is ready, you shouldn’t.  Thanksgiving is like any other big event and warrants a “pre-party”.  A warm-up to make sure the you’re race ready and ready for primetime.

Today, the day before Thanksgiving I primed my pump with a BBQ Turkey Sandwich from Whole Foods.

Now let me be clear: I’m a big fan of Whole Foods but I’ve beat them up pretty good when it comes to sandwiches.  I’m not sure what it is, but no matter what sandwich I order from their deli, it tastes like a dog’s breakfast (i.e., a bunch of ingredients that taste like they’ve been thrown together without any thought or consideration.)

Today was a different story.  In what started as a simple scouting trip to check to see if their Turkey was Thanksgiving-worthy, turned into a delicious sandwich that has put Whole Foods back on the sandwich map.

I was a simple sandwich: fresh cut Turkey, BBQ sauce, dill pickles and onions.  Really nice.

And if you’re wondering, yes, the Turkey was Thanksgiving-worthy.