Turkey Sandwich Report Fan Mail

Longtime Turkey Sandwich Report reasder, “Chris Pleimann’s Lisp” recently dropped us a line and posed an interesting question.  He writes:

I’m blowing the cover off this thing:

A bologna sandwich is better than a turkey sandwich.

I know this might come off as blasphemy to you, but I ask that you clear your mind of all preconceived notions and allegiances that you might have.  Now, don’t get me wrong. Real, true, authentic turkey that is fresh off the bone blows bologna away. And even some hi-end processed turkey might be better.
However, if you just take the run of the mill Oscar Meyer processed turkey versus Oscar Meyer bologna, and truly open up your mind, you will find that bologna tastes better as a sandwich.
I ask you to fry a couple of slice of bologna, with a simple slice of Colby cheese and place on some wonder bread and do the same exact ingredients but replace the bologna with processed turkey, I promise that you will like the bologna sandwich better.
I find processed turkey to be over-rated. I think it is a “yuppy” coldcut. Kinda like when some asshole drives a BMW instead of good ‘ol Dodge Stratus. Or when somebody goes Land Rover when a Jeep would do just fine.
Processed Turkey is an over-rated, yuppie cold cut.
What do you say?  I see a challenge in the making.


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3 thoughts on “Turkey Sandwich Report Fan Mail

  1. Bologna is catfish bait. It is not suitable for human consumption. It is a flat nitrate-cicle, another “fine” product from the floors of Oscar-Meyer. To even compare this conglomerate of eyeballs, lips, assholes, and testicles to a slice of real, meaty, snow white muscle from the regal turkey, even the processed kind, is indeed blasphemy. Bologna indeed! Head cheese without the little clear windows, I say! And we all know how that got it’s name.

  2. I’m going to say brown-swagger beats both for several reasons. It doesn’t have a cute song or name like bologna to make you feel better about what you’re eating so one really has to man-up to put it down. It is one of of the only products that can come out of a tube and maintain it’s dignity. Have you tried tube turkey? Had some in NAM it gives me worse nightmares than Charlie. It is made with liver so I’m pretty sure it is scientifically proven to help heal your body after drinking. But let us focus on the most important part of this post, Dodge Stratus reigns supreme over anything BMW can put on the road.

  3. I stand by statement in regards to a good ‘ol Bologna sammy. I will not waver.

    I just had one, and kinda kicked it up a notch like a Emeril Lagasse bologna making motherfucker.

    a. Two slices bologna, fried.

    b. Wonder Bread brushed with butter and fried.

    c. Carmelized, fried onion bits.

    d. Colby cheese, slightly melted.

    e. Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing.

    f. EAT IT MOTHERFUCKER!

    and yes, i goddamn refuse to use bullet points in my comments!

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