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Subway Cheats Like Snarf’s

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I made a big fucking deal out of Snarf’s ripping people off a couple years ago.  I still don’t give those cheating motherfuckers any of my Turkey Sandwich business.

Now, you can add Subway to the list of cheaters.  They’re ripping people out of one inch on their sandwiches too.  Link to story here. 1 inch is a lot.  Would you want to walk away from 1 inch?  I certainly wouldn’t.

Sing it with me: 5 dollar 11 incher!

Pieces of shit.  Both of them.

2012 Thanksgiving Leftover Turkey Sandwich

It’s here.  The 2012 Thanksgiving Leftover Turkey Sandwich.  Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have done a video this year if it were not for you, the loyal Turkey Sandwich Report Nation.  You guys demanded a video and I think I came through for you in a big way.

This year, I really challenged myself.  I asked Mrs. Turkey Sandwich to pick out the ingredients and then I would work my magic from there – just like the show Chopped.  Let me say this with all sincerity and seriousness.  The sandwich that I created in this video was incredible.  Make this sandwich now.

Let’s roll the tape:

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Do you know what REAL Turkey is?

I’m a big fan of the show Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (Triple D).  In fact, I’ve started searching out places where the host Guy Fieri has visited.  Yea, pretty nerdy, I know.  Whatever.  I take my food pretty serious.

Tomorrow is my birthday, so when Mrs. Turkey Sandwich asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner, I checked the innerettes to see if there was a place in Denver that has been featured on  “Triple D” that I have not been to yet.

There was.  It’s called The Bagel Deli and it’s a couple miles from my house.  It’s a Jewish Deli and with that, my decision was made.

Typically when I visit one of the places featured on Triple D, I order what Guy ate on the show.  Since I was celebrating MY birthday, I was considering the Pastrami and Turkey Sandwich.  Before I made the commitment, I asked the waitress if the Turkey was real.  I had reason to believe it was because the menu prominently said “as authentic as it gets” but I stil wanted a confirmation.  Her response was “well, yeah, they slice it”.  That wasn’t really the response I was looking for, but the waitress made me kind of nervous and I could tell she wanted me to hurry up and make a decision.

The final assessment: no it’s not real Turkey.  It’s processed.  The Pastrami was strong, but the Turkey was weak.  Bagel Deli: I think you might be stretching the truth by saying “authentic as it gets” – at least when it comes to Turkey Sandwiches.

ashkenaz

This place sucks.

I pass by Ashkenaz Deli everyday on my walk in to work when I’m in Chicago.  I’m a big fan of Jewish-style/New York-style delis and the daily allure of a big-ass Turkey Sandwich convinced me to leave work early this week so I could hit them up before they closed.  I was immediately concerned when I noticed that they use the same Dietz & Watson bullshit deli meats that they sell at Albertson’s.

I ordered a Turkey Sandwich on Rye and made it extremely clear that I wanted DELI mustard.  I bring the sandwich home and find out that they squirt a bunch of yellow fucking mustard on there.  Thanks.  Sandwich ruined.

After I scraped off the yellow mustard, I notice the lettuce was on its last leg.

Don’t go to this place.  I don’t have another recommendation for a Turkey Sandwich in the Gold Coast neighborhood (Subway is the only other choice), so I would suggest just skipping the meal.

Just to be fair and balanced, maybe they know how to make an incredible Pastrami or Corned Beef sandwich – but I doubt it.

hannah's bretzel

I’m not making excuses, but I can explain my absence

Not much going on here at the Turkey Sandwich Report lately.  In fact, absolutely nothing has been going on here for the last couple months because I have gone to the dark side.

Yes, I have been on a GLUTEN FREE diet.

For obvious reasons, a gluten free diet and Turkey Sandwiches don’t exactly jive with each other.  Some have recommended maintaining the Turkey Sandwich Report with sandwiches that don’t include bread.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to fucking insult my loyal readers with that kind of bullshit.  I’m either going all the way with this thing or I’m gonna hang it up altogether.

Another thing that goes with managing the world’s most popular Turkey Sandwich blog is that people constantly recommend sandwiches.  The last several weeks have been especially difficult because I have been in Chicago most of the time, which means I’me exposed to a completely new world of Turkey Sandwiches.  My friend Amber is also a Turkey Sandwich connoisseur and was talking a big game about this place called “Hannah’s Bretzel” where they put their sandwiches on pretzel bread.

Earlier this week, I had a long day of work and I was weak.  I was extremely hungry, knew I had absolutely no food at the apartment and just happened to be on the same street as Hannah Bretzel.  Amber’s glowing review of their sandwiches kept ringing in my head.

I’m a weak man.  Like a Turkey Sandwich zombie, I walked in and ordered the Thanksgiving Turkey Sandwich.  Yea, I could have got that sandwich on gluten free bread.  But I didn’t.  I went whole wheat.       Which didn’t make much sense because if I was going to throw everything out the window, I should have got that pretzel bread.  I’ll chalk that up to not thinking straight.

The sandwich was glorious.  The Turkey was great, the cheese (Brie) was awesome and they gave me the perfect amount of cranberry sauce.  Best of all, they don’t fuck the whole thing up with mayo.

And I’ll be honest.  This sandwich has led to others – which you’ll be hearing about soon.

My Boss’s Boss Called Me Out: I Half-assed this Whole Super Bowl Thing

My boss’s boss is a dude named Patrick Daugherty and he’s a pretty big deal where I work.  He’s a VP of something or other – not sure what, now that I think about it.  He’s such a big deal that he actually had the balls to call me out on supposedly “half-assing” this whole vote for the Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich thing.

After a meeting this week, he pulled me aside and said, “Did you get my comment on your blog?”  I said, “no.”  “Well, I left one and I think you really screwed the pooch on this one.  You call yourself a marketer and you give us these boring-ass, no theme Turkey Sandwiches to choose from?  I think it’s bullshit.  And on top of that, you never even mentioned in your post about Perry’s Deli.  I bought you that sandwich and that’s what I get?  Poor form, Stewart, poor form.”

He went on to point out that I could have had a New York Deli-style sandwich where I pile a shitload of Turkey on Rye.  Or I could have done a Turkey Sandwich with some roast beef bullshit like they do in Boston.  Or I could have done something with an Indianapolis theme – not that I even know what that could be – but he thought that would be a good idea.

The fact of the matter is that this is MY BLOG and I can do whatever the hell I want.  When it comes to Turkey Sandwiches, I don’t have to bow to some dude just because he has a couple letters before his name.  I’m the CEO of this bitch and can do whatever I want.

But I am gonna call this whole thing off because you people don’t know what you’re talking about.  The Philly Turkey Sandwich ran away with the voting and I don’t want to make that sandwich.  I’m gonna make that Queso Smothered Turkey Sandwich…Remember?  I’m CEO.